One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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