Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
