just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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