This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
