You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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