Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
