Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
