I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
