in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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