Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
