she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
