I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
