1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
