I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
