She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
