OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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