Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
