dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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