I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
