i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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