Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
