Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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