apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
