chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
