Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
