Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This baby is an asshole
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
