textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I would ride that face into the sunset
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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