You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
