Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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