He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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