do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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