you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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