I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
