you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
