I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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