Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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