Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
