Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
