Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I fill condoms, not promises.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
there is puke in my bra ... again
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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