My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
