I want to walk on stilts...naked
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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