I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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