That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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