im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
