dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
