If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
