the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Pants are for mortals
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
