I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
