It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
