She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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