i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
