Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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