i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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