Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
